Back By Popular--and by that I mean 1 person's--Demand

After 3 hours on the phone with the federal help desk trying to re-register with the NEA...
 
Grant Agent: Are you Young Jean Lee?
Me: Well, no, but I'm the company authorizing official.
Grant Agent: So. You are not Young Jean Lee?
Me: No. But would this phone call go faster if I were...like, do I need to be?
Grant Agent: Well...I mean, you aren't, so...
Me: No. I am. I am. I actually am.
Grant Agent: Miss, you just told me you weren't.
Me: I was wrong. I am. I am Young Jean Lee.
Grant Agent: Miss--
Me: I was lying before! I'm Young Jean Lee!
Grant Agent: I can't--
Me: I AM YOUNG JEAN LEE I AM YOUNG JEAN LEE
Grant Agent: Uh--
Me: I AM YOUNG JEAN LEE
(pause)
Grant Agent: Okay, Ms. Lee. Can I have your DUNS number?
Me: Yes, you may.
Grant Agent: Hold on a second while I pull up your file.
(long pause, sound of typing)
Me: The irony is, she probably wouldn't even know that.
Grant Agent: You mean, YOU wouldn't even know that.
Me: What? Oh. Right. Haha. Yes. I wouldn't.
(pause)
Grant Agent: Wait...who is Caleb Hammons?
Me: Oh...um...he used to be the POC...why?
Grant Agent: He's actually the authorizing official. I need to speak with him.
Me: Oh...I'm Caleb Hammons, that's me. That's my name.
Grant Agent: Oh really? You should have said that before.
Me: Ha! Oh silly me...oh...! Haha!
Grant Agent: Great, I'll just need your date of birth.
Me: Um...06/05/...um...
Grant Agent: You aren't Caleb Hammons.
Me: I AM
Grant Agent: (sigh)
Me: I AM CALEB HAMMONS I AM CALEB HAMMONS
Grant Agent: Lady...
Me: I AM CALEB HAMMONS