Monday, October 7, 2013
I Have Always Felt Distracted
Packed 2 Train. Morning Rush Hour. Thirty-something Blonde Woman Who Doesn't QUITE Look Like She Works In Fashion, But Who Most Likely Majored In It, Possibly Doubling in "Communications" is monologing intently to Blue Tooth Laiden Finance Guy Who Is Pretty Hot Despite The Fact That He Is Sweating A Lot. I am listening to Michelle Branch--I mean, um Daft Punk?
T-SBWWDQLLSWIFBWMLMIIPDIC: So, it's weird because haven't felt filled--filled with...you know, HIM, in so long. I just haven't felt his presence. And I've been really searching, too. But normally when I'm filled with his love, the love of his holy spirit, I just KNOW it. On some innate level. I just feel him, you know? And I've been very diligent in my practice. Don't think I haven't. No matter what Matt says, I have. (pause) And these days--these days, there's so much NOISE. Facebook. TV. Movies. Iphones. Sin. Just general distraction...I always have felt distracted...but even then, I've been able to feel him around me. So Pastor Alan always says eliminate the things that stand between you and God's love. So I've done that. (pause) I mean, I've done that within in REASON...like, to an EXTENT. To the extent that it's possible to to what with the pressure at work and everything...But still, I don't feel close to him. Maybe I should meditate more, you know? Do you meditate?
BTLFGWIPHDTFTHISAL: I do, yes.
T-SBWWDQLLSWIFBWMLMIIPDIC: Do you find it helps?
BTLFGWIPHDTFTHISAL: I feel less stressed, I suppose.
T-SBWWDQLLSWIFBWMLMIIPDIC: Yeah! Me too! Yes! I love it! I love that and I love yoga. People think they are the same, but they aren't. I know they aren't. They are totally different. But--both are good. Both are really calming for me. I feel a lot less...you know, INTENSE...afterwards. Quieter. It's nice. I like yoga. (pause) I think it's the breathing. (longer pause) But anyway, so I've been feeling really concerned about not feeling my connection with God in the way that brings me comfort--well, comfort is simplistic--it's not JUST a comfort thing. It's. I need to feel, like right with the world or something--cosmically...it's important to me to feel like there's something larger--
Train announcement. "This is 72nd street. Transfer is available to the 1 train across the platform. Next stop. 42nd Street Times Square."
BTLFGWIPHDTFTHISAL: (Gathering his leather soft briefcase thing) This is me.
T-SBWWDQLLSWIFBWMLMIIPDIC: Oh! Okay. Have a great day!
BTLFGWIPHDTFTHISAL: You too. Um...Nice to meet you.
T-SBWWDQLLSWIFBWMLMIIPDIC: Nice to meet you, too. Great chat!
BTLFGWIPHDTFTHISAL: Uh. Yeah.