A Train Express. 5pm. Sunday. Cute Gay Bear Wearing Cutoffs and Vans and Playing On His Iphone sits with Blonde Girl With Backpack and Long Dangly Necklace. They are both really fat. I can say that because I am fat too.
BGWBALDN: You want a sip?
CGBWCAVAPOHI: No, I'm ok.
BGWBALDN: You sure? You said you were thirsty when we were walking to the train.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Nah, not a big coke zero fan.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Not really, I like diet coke.
BGWBALDN: Oh me too. I like diet coke too.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Then why are you drinking coke zero?
BGWBALDN: Well, it's like--they are two different drinks. I just like them differently.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Weird. I can only drink diet coke.
BGWBALDN: It's like how I like Starbucks for the morning. Like, I want that burst of bitterness.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: From the Baristas?
BGWBALDN: Ha! You...
CGBWCAVAPOHI: I know, ha..ha...
CGBWCAVAPOHI: But seriously, I like the stronger coffee in the morning. But in the afternoon... (he pauses, grins) In the afternoon...(he leans in like he's telling a secret). I get Dunkin' Donuts.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: I know.
BGWBALDN: Oh. My. God.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: I'm from New England, what can I say?
BGWBALDN: You are a coffee slut.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: I know! I know! I'm terrible.
BGWBALDN: I could never.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: They are just two different drinks, Dunkies and Starbucks. Like Diet Coke and Coke Zero. Just different. There's room for both.
BGWBALDN: Like McDonald's and Burger King?
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Right. Yes.
BGWBALDN: McDonald's for the burgers, BK for the fries.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Hm. Interesting. I feel the opposite. I think the burgers at Burger King taste more real.
BGWBALDN: Oh, I do too. But the thing is, if I want a REAL burger, I'm going somewhere else. I'm not going to a fast food place. I'm at a pub, or 5 guys or Burger Joint.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Ugh. Burger Joint. So...ugh.
BGWBALDN: You know what I mean.
BGWBALDN: And if I want a thin patty of meat substitute sandwiched in delicious gluey bread with sauce and shit on it, I'm going to McDonald's.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Makes sense.
BGWBALDN: But the fries at Burger King are legit. They are legit good.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Oh god yes.
BGWBALDN: Mmm. But nothing like a Big Mac.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Even though I am always wasted and waiting in line at the take out window OUTSIDE on St. Nick's next to guys with gang tattoos! I'm willing to risk it, because THAT'S how much I love a good #1.
BGWBALDN: You are terrible.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: I know. (pause) You know what else?
BGWBALDN: Nope. What else?
CGBWCAVAPOHI: I love three different Chinese restaurants.
BGWBALDN: Wow. Really? I understand two..but...three?
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Yes. When I want cheap and fast I go to Jade Garden--
BGWBALDN: Ew. That place got shut down for health violations. That's disgusting.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: They've reopened. I don't think it's the same place.
BGWBALDN: Still. I would never.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Oh my god. You're so--they have an A now. There's an A in the window.
BGWBALDN: Oh. I guess maybe I'd try it. But I don't like the crab rangoon. It has like a weird flour film on it.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: I know! I know! So weird! That's why when I am REALLY craving crab rangoon--which by the way in New York they call it Fried Cheese Wontons--which is so weird...I order from Great Wall.
BGWBALDN: I know, but they only take cash, which is annoying.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: No! No! They're on GrubHub now...
BGWBALDN: Wow, really? Life Changer.
BGWBALDN: What's the third place?
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Well, if I'm not broke--
CGBWCAVAPOHI: HA! I know--but, if I'm not broke and I want the quality shit, I get Empire.
BGWBALDN: Oooo. Fancy. I love their dumplings.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Me too, that's what I get.
Train announcement. "This is 168th Street Columbia Presbyterian. Transfer is available to the downtown A and C trains across the platform, and the 1 train through the passageway. Next stop. 175th." CGBWCAVAPOHI and BGWBALDN get up.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Should we go to Starbucks?
BGWBALDN: No, I'm in more of a Dunkin' Donuts place.
CGBWCAVAPOHI: Oh! Full circle!
BGWBALDN: You know it!
They exit the train.